I’ve just read a note.
She talked about dreaming, about hiding. She always wanted to write her own book. I always had the same feelings, the same dream.
Sometimes, I think I’m ready to do something bigger than staying here, bigger than blogging things around me. But when I think it’s the right time to start writing a book, I just don’t find the courage. I’m afraid. Am I too young to do such a thing? Am I too stupid? How can I finish the book if I don’t even know what I’m going to write? I like writing fanfic. I always write them when I have time. But what I’m looking for, is not just fanfic.
I dream a lot. Dreaming is my habit, I guess. If I have a very nice dream, I’ll definitely feel wonderful, no matter what. I can dream everywhere, about anyone, about anything. Dreaming is my never land. Dreams bring me back to the past, or maybe the future, or just stay at the present. I can dream what I want to dream. In my dream, I can go where I want to go, be what I want to be. Is that lovely? I know it’s not good, just stay in my never land, but I’m afraid to go out, to see the world. The world is so cruel, and so am I. I’m so cruel that I can’t understand why I’m being like that. But I don’t regret. I do anything that makes me happy, live my life to the fullest, and in the end, look back with no regrets.
I always say that I like being alone. Still. But I’ve learned to accept and love my truly best friends, my truly friends with my real smile. I don’t like smiling too much, but when I smile, I’m happy for real. I always say that my friends are my dreams. They’re my dreams because they can’t treat my badly, they can’t hurt me, they can’t leave me behind. They’re close to me, just like my daily dreams. I can be with them with my eyes wide open. I love being with them, talking to them and dreaming with them.
But at the moment, I still need my own room, my own home to stay alone. Even I love them, I still need my own space.
One, two, three…
I still remember the essay “The art of waiting”. How much time we have wasted waiting? How much time we have wasted hiding? But we still have to wait. And I still hide myself. ( what a metaphor).
I just want to go somewhere with Nga but haven’t found a destination yet.There are many places I would love to visit but I just keep wondering: Is it the right time to go or should I wait…
By the way, how can I let someone in my dream world? I want to share with my friends everything about me, but I just don’t know how. If they can go into my dream world, they will understand me more than now…. ^^